Makanaka

Kids, smile, love, and Jesus are my everything:)

Zimbabwe Trip 2017

[ Japanese Below ] 日本語は下にあります

 

Hi, guys!

I came back from Zimbabwe a few days ago!!

Thank you so much for your all support and prayer.
It was very exciting time in there. I am so glad to be able to meet kids from last year. They remembered Japanese that I taught last year! That's so cool right? XD They are so beautiful, pure, open, and loved by God. Not only children, also all local leaders and people whom I met are just shining and amazing people and I am very grateful for them for everything❤️❤️❤️

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This trip was my second time. Before going to this trip, I was very excited and nervous. I had many problems that made me feel insecure. I was very anxious about these things and when I got in there, all anxiety attacked me so many times. As I mentioned, the trip was amazing and exciting time but to be honest, at the same time, I was very exhausted. I couldn't pray God or seek him. I was frustrated with myself and lost confidences. I cried, cried, and cried. I was really lost and confused. I thought I shouldn't be here because my presence gave bad influences....

BUT litlle by little, I learned my strength. I realized many children love me and I love them so much. It is not only because we play together, but it is because we find joy together. Many kids looked at me with smiles all the time. Always calling me 'Aunty Hanna!" and run to me and hugged me with huge smiles. Last day of camp, they gave me letters and told me they love me and they will miss me so much. I was taught a lot by them and they made me smile everyday. They told me "thank you" but I wanna say thank you to them because they are very special to me. 

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Also there were the team and local leaders who supported me all the time and prayed for me so I could stand it. 
Because last year, I was smiling all the time, I felt like I should be like that although when I can't smile. I remember second day of camp, Stewart greeted me in the morning and I tried to greet back with smile but I couldn't. On that day, since I woke up, I had had so much anxiety which was very overwhelming. It was too hard for me to handle. Soon after the VBS started, I couldn't stand it and started crying. I thought "OMG... It's worse..." BUT team members and local leaders were there for me.  They sat next to me, hugged me, asked me if I am okay, made me smile, and called my name "Makanaka." (it's my shona name 😏)During the mission trip, similar things happend so many times and I wondered if it was good that I was there. BUT through these experiences, I learned that how much team and friendship are important and I don't need to fake myself or behave I am strong. I am not strong. I am weak but because people who love me and Jesus are there for me, I can stand it. I am very grateful for all team members and local leaders that they were with me when I felt isolated or lonely. 

 

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After coming back from Zimbabwe, I am very excited, sad, exhausted, and thank everyone who loves me. My next goal is coming back to Zimbabwe within 3 to 5 years:) 

 

*Today's only overall summary and I will share more details later :) 

 

Tinotenda.

 

 

こんにちは:)

2週間のジンバブエでの活動を終えて無事にアメリカへ戻ってきました。

まずはサポートしてくださったみなさん、本当にありがとうございます!

 

今回は2回目のジンバブエということで去年とは別の楽しみと不安でいっぱいでした。

4月に信頼してた現地の人に予想もしてない形で裏切られたり、色々なことがありジンバブエに行くのを迷ったり人間不信になりました。何度もリーダーと話し合って、行くのと行かないの、両方のプラスとマイナスをまとめたりして、ギリギリまで迷って行くと決断したジンバブエ。

出発数日前からは吐き気に襲われたり不安で押しつぶされそうになったり。

でも子供達や現地の友達に会えるという楽しみもいっぱいで。

複雑な気持ちで出発しました。(緊張感あるという意味ではいいのかな?)

 

 

着いて2日目の朝、教会で子供達とたくさん踊って歌って本当に楽しい時間で

”あ〜〜戻ってきた!”って思ったのもつかの間、帰り道に会いたくなかった人と遭遇しすごい恐怖心と怒りと不安で押しつぶされ、大号泣。

それから今まで抱えてた不安や自分の抱えていた問題がこの2週間の旅で明確になりまたそれに苦しみました。

夜中に起きてはただ涙がブワーッとでてきて。でも子供達に会うとなんだか安心して心から楽しめて。でもまた一人になると耐えれず。

そんなことがしばらく続いてからついにはチームや現地のリーダー達の前でも不安が襲ってきて。でも正直にチームミーティングの時に自分の気持ちを言ったらスッキリして、それからキャンプ中やトリップ中に気持ちが下がった時、いつもチームのみんなやリーダー達が横にいてくれました:)

”あ〜迷惑かけてるな。ここに来て良かったのかな?”なんて正直何度も思ったけど、

そう思う度に思い出すのは子供達や現地の人の笑顔。

 

私の名前を呼んでくれたり、わたしが姿を表すとすぐに走ってきてハグしてくれたり”大好き〜〜”っていつも伝えてくれた子供達。この子達のことが本当に大好きだしその想いが通じてるのかもなってみんなの姿を見て思うと私がここに戻ってきたことは決して悪いことじゃなかったんだなって。キャンプ最終日には多くの子供達が手紙をくれました😢❤️

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初めて現地のリーダーの前でも自分の弱い部分を見せたりしたことで、ただ”楽しい”という時をシェアするだけでなく喜怒哀楽やお互いのことをもっと深い部分をシェアするようになって去年より絆が深まったと思います。

それにこの2週間の旅を通じてチームワークの大切さや周りとの関わり方も少し学べた気がして良かったのかなって。

 

本当に疲れ切った2週間の旅だったけどでも本当に幸せで感謝な日々でした。

 

 

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今日は全体のことを。。次からはもっと具体的に何をしたのかとかシェアしたいと思います:)

 

 Team Blog 

menlozimbabwe2017.wordpress.com